Fear and War

Its tough when people don't see eye to eye. It's even worse when one takes the higher ground just to get a better shot. It most difficult when your caught in between a silent war...an oh so awkward silent war.
It's called The Ankonian it's named after one of the deadliest bulls in Italy. It's also my next car. Should something I want to be so near frighten me so much? Yes, yes it really can.

New Directions

I'm gonna be turing this into a car blog probably let me know what you think.

Wow life does get better. Kinda excited to see where it show up next. Ever notice how you can get your shit together for a momentary time right in line for something else to fuck up. People claim life is a balancing act but I find it to be more of a scale of focus (I know a scale is a balance). You'll notice how focusing on school will ruin a hobby and vice versa so why is it that when you get one good thing the world must hand you the bad. I'm sure this is with everyone but luckily I don't plan on joining their ranks just yet. So I guess I'll be the cause of then end of the world seeing as how much good I've been given. Noted on the other end is I have discovered a new emotion I'm calling it Strethargy it's the feeling of stress about something to be done but being to lazy or empathetic to act.

Stuff happens
Mostly to me from
My perspective

Life

It's this new thing I've been trying. It's called life and though I miss the quiet comforts of not doing shit I'm really liken to enjoy it. So hello to the world. Welcome ourselves with open arms. By the way I might finally put a album with the whole of 3 songs I've got so lets giver'.

Night and Morning
Evening and Fucka Wah?
Mike
The Interested

Still there?

Does anyone read these still? I find little response or even notice of this though i assume that's how a blog works. I've joined the ranks of the undead people welcome me as I welcome you with a thousand maws and outstretched hands, isn't strep a bitch? So the plane prep continues as the debate of a evolution vs. a Corvallis continue. Both are beautiful I say though dad will be the one doing the work so it's his choice. Strep throat is probably one of my favorite least favorite deceases there are because the first few days you feel as though your going to die but by the third your recovery makes you too ill to go school worthy but well enough to add to a most ignored blog. Hey found a new band that was recommend by a friend I'm loving them, they're called E.S. POSTHUMUS check'em out great work very symphonic best album is Malaria any way haven't been on the music scene in a while not playing much with a disease to contend with but thinking all the time. Check out CAKE as well if your into late 90's indie movement it was a wonderful era of hideous clothes and even worse cars a time I lived through without living through thankfully. My fathers car debate continues as well what do you think I should get Mercedes or BMW? I want to hear some recommendations people get on it cause you'll be the ones having to put up with the condition of the vehicle. I'll be taking my laptop with me to go stay on a boat and attend the Olympics in Vancouver I'll keep in touch and update you all. Life's gotten better lately even though physically its worse. Wanting to do a very interesting cover a FEEL GOOD INC thinking a drum cover with some funky rhythms. Hey Allison let me know a time for next weekend to write some songs with ya p.s. I've got one almost completely worked out so don't be to surprised if there's a finished piece of work on your desk....top at some point.

It's a Real Condition

Accomplishments, Loss, Hate, Gain, Distortion, Treble, Bass all these things are to be expected in our life but never when or how. Unlike a normal blog where the message is convoluted or vague about whom or what their speaking of this one is depression. As I've built my relationships with people I've come to realize I have a duel personality, the visually seen one happy and friendly and hopefully like-able person I am. The second is a self hating, self depreciating sad person whom hates everything they do and finds that anything they do is not worth doing and that any talent had is pointless. Yes I'm sure its gotten old the whole I suck at music thing but I validly have begun to question his place as a musician. Yes I know about whatever practice and stuff but my progress has almost completely stopped. I did say these things would get shorter.


Musical Depression
your body was black and blue

It's a Brave New World

Shit this everyday thing is hard. Back from dance (Yes I also dance) wiped the sweat from my brow and didn't have a single profound thought. Ironically profound though because things someone wants something it isn't around its much like juggling chainsaws, it can work but there is never the consistency that one would need. That's the thing I really love life is its the god damn hands down funniest shit in the world and if you picture things in the twisted blind way I see them its even funnier. If your wondering yes I have laughed at a funeral, my grandfathers I thought that his last wishes would be something like being put on puppet stick and to give his own eulogy. Sadly or gratefully I was wrong none the less I had a good laugh at the funeral. Its the situation that when explained to family got them to laugh to, the family dynamics of acting like siblings has its perks. I think the Internet has made some of the most interesting societies to date, no i didn't have a lead into the topic, its crazy, wild, and with the oddest alternate personalities of other people. There are no cliques everyone hates the other even while they love them and their so honest that you'd think their making shit up. I flipped two blogs over to find one dedicated to street dancers called body music it was amazing then found a drum cover of one of my favorite songs, downloaded 1,000 songs of a new band and explained to my friend why Hitler rose to power through Mein Kamph all while secretly telling some asshole that the Pope IS NOT A FUCKING LIZARD. Wondrous ain't it? Its a life impossible to explain to anyone older the 30 and one day our children, only guy I know who likes kids...ladies, will try to explain how they teleport to japan to pick up some batteries and then sync their mind to their girlfriend in Stockholm before they build their homework project with their mind. It will be a strange world coming and I look forward to being unhip and lame (or whatever the new phrase is, probably Marklar) to my kids as long as I get to have a laser car and have crazy space sex. A little note on the side that's directly out front is as every one's blog posts grow greater and greater mines going to devolve eventually ending into short Lewis Black like rants with shit so funny I have to shout it. Though that's coming soon for now enjoy the shorter and shorter posts.

You Hear Me
To Smile at Terror

Day two (Cause I'm not being creative)

Continuing with my self made promise to continue writing a blog a day, This promise only two days in, I've dropped the usual blog manner of typing and begun to write in a FUCKING manner that's usually associated with me. I was playing Mass Effect 2 (yes I'm a nerd, SURPRISE EMMA) that unlike most games your goal is to save the damsel in distress but in this case the damsel is there all along. It's very similar in life we're there the one we care for is right then. We say hi, pass in the halls, shake hand, exchange a hug. Everyday you view that person you wish to whisk off and save, so to speak, and yet we do nothing, an odd construct of human weakness, we cannot act cause there's no immediate danger there's no dragon simply our stupidity and short sight keeps us from acting. For those in a long term relationship, HEY FUCKERS, be happy you acted, I am and it's rewarded me with fuckin' candy cookies, and trips to the zoo and a family that doesn't mock me as hard as mine does. It's a contentment that we strive for and usually fail at. Accept that maybe you are someone that's worth having around. This is, as most musicians and people of creative interest, a distinct and odd flaw that flows out of every accomplishment. For some its constructive, I play a rhythm sweetly and it is a tasty jam.... good now go back and unfuck what you did. It's the usual self depreciation that separates a genius from a talented jackass (John Mayer) but that destructive pattern always wins out to bring us down a level as well. I know only one musician whom believes himself great, though he maybe be, most of it is a face put on for others. I believe my playing is amateur, it lacks most of the creativity my mind gives, my writing lacks the soul I lock away, my singing weak and off key. these things bring me down and slow the pace of my growth but always a hump to get ever greater, the solution to being stuck at where your talent carried to far is to change. A new style, new band, new love all these give reason to play again. Speaking of genius, which I am now so suck it, why do we turn to them in a time of need I assure you the astro-physics professor should not be meddling in how our government is run yet we take their advice outside of there field. Its a worry-some thing much like the end of a Popsicle where you have two pieces on either side of the stick now its a game of luck and speed to get what you want. Much like learning to play an instrument.

Feelin Good
laughing through their perfect teeth

A New Day

Sitting at home blind in one eye curious to see what the world blogs for I decide to try it. This expansion of my own self awarness and life outside my well insulated musical box, which I haven't left for days, is something likely to die out like the time I wanted to be a Race car when I was 6. I do apologize to father for I am 17 now and am incapable of entering the indie 500. I've noticed from my difficult and PI like research ability that every friend whom has a blog has a manner to write that is not dissimilar from the next. A reasonable excuse for why I am doing it now. I'm excited to see what this world of "informing strangers that I have shit to think about" will be like. More then likely it will end in disaster as my ability to grammatically write is bording on man-slaughter of the english langauge. None the less I'm gonna try. Speaking of which its time I got back to having my brain try to give me a mild stroke.

these and those
Instruments are ironically the Instrument of expression